[squirreledelman]

This is what is getting me through the rest of this week….. 😂

[badgyal-k]

Uncle Joe is not here for the fuckery

[shesheistyy]

These are my favorite

[thecraigslisthooker]

The Onion, 1914

[unofficial-bill-whittle]

Well they aren’t wrong

[fur24]

hey stranger things can happen

[sherlck]

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

[feathery-soul]

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

[agnosticwitch]

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

[vincisomething]

[vimbia]

Wear a wig.
Contact lenses .
Change your accent .
Change Hand when writing .
Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa .
Contour the hell outta your face.

[shop-blvck-nostalgia]

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

[youhavearighttoyourwrongopinion]

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away
Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

[caribe-hippie]

Y'all suspect af😂

[dookiediamonds]

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

[james-zachariah-carstairs]

Make sure you set up a solid alibi
Pay for everything in cash

Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police

[eatcakey]

Message

[meladoodle]

my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”

[meladoodle]

[meladoodle]

i told my granddad this post has 3,500 notes and he said ‘who are they? do i know them?’ he wanted me to list everyone and see if he knew anyone

[policygal]

If you don’t reblog cauliflower granddad, then you’re just a mean person.

[princess-potterheadxo]

Platform nine and three quarters was shut